Chris and Billy were exploring how they could become parents when a close friend offered to be their surrogate. It started a journey that was both challenging and wonderful—and ended with them welcoming their son, Cody, into the world.
Since getting together in 2017, Chris and Billy had been talking about becoming dads. It’s something they’d both always wanted. But as two gay men, they knew it wasn’t going to be easy.
Initially, they explored surrogacy agencies, which pair couples with surrogates and facilitate the entire process. “We’d started the ball rolling,” says Chris: as well as attending a few meetups by Surrogacy UK, a not-for-profit organisation that supports surrogates and intended parents, they also looked into adoption.
But then, a conversation with Chris’ lifelong friend, Gemma, changed the course of their journey. She offered to carry the baby for them.
Chris and Billy were blown away. “It’s just absolutely the best thing you can do for anybody,” says Chris. “To give somebody the gift of being a parent selflessly…she’s an amazing, amazing person.”
Now, they wouldn’t need to go through the agency’s process of finding a surrogate: they could become parents with the help of a close friend. They would all be going through the process together.
Their first step was to decide on a fertility clinic. Chris and Billy knew of two success stories from ARGC: a lesbian couple and another friend who was struggling to get pregnant naturally. With that in mind, plus their own research, they chose our clinic.
It was the start of a wonderful, yet intense, experience. “We used sperm and donor eggs. I think that was a big thing for Gemma as well. She was very much growing Cody for us. She wasn’t genetically linked to him in any way,” Chris explains.
Since Gemma lives in Dorset, getting down to London regularly for treatment was challenging. She had to come in for regular monitoring, so we could keep track of her cycle and make sure her womb lining was ready to receive the embryo.
Sometimes, Gemma would stay with Chris and Billy for a few nights, but other times she would travel home by train on the same day.
Yet the treatment itself went fairly smoothly. While Gemma said that being pregnant at 40 years old was more physically demanding than when she had her two children at a much younger age, she remained in good spirits. At some point, she experienced swelling and discovered she had a fibroid, but luckily these didn’t end up causing problems.
Because Chris and Billy were so close with Gemma, they were quite involved in the process. They got to go to every appointment and every scan; they were texting or calling her every day.
Chris and Billy received eight donor eggs. Of those, six were fertilised and four developed into embryos that could be implanted.
And, happily, the first transfer was a success. Chris will always remember the first time he heard Cody’s heart beat and saw him on the monitor screen. And, of course, when his son was born: Gemma had a home birth, and both he and Billy were present.
Chris and Billy’s relationship with Gemma also made navigating the laws and procedures around surrogacy in the UK much easier. Under the current system, Gemma had to be listed on Cody’s birth certificate for the first six weeks of his life—and if she had a husband, he would be listed as the father. Only after that initial period could Chris and Billy apply for a parental order to legally recognise them as Cody’s parents.
They also had to prepare a lot of documentation and go through home visits ahead of their court date. Chris and Billy thought the officials they dealt with were lovely, yet Chris says that the process felt a bit invasive: their case worker wanted to see Cody’s clothes and check what food he was eating, for example.
It’s something he advises others exploring surrogacy to be prepared for. “It’s all those extra things you have to think about as a gay couple on a surrogacy journey, that are in addition to everything else.”
Today, Chris and Billy couldn’t be happier. “We are besotted with him,” Chris says. “We loved him before he was even here and we wanted him so badly.”
“We always knew we wanted to have a baby,” Billy adds. “But we never knew it would happen.”
When he’s older, they will show Cody a scrapbook they made documenting their journey; the story of how they became a family.
Wondering whether ARGC is right for you? Our advisory calls are free, no-obligation, and led by someone who can answer your specific questions about treatment, costs, and what to expect. Book a call to get started.
Monica Karpinski is a health and science journalist specialising in women's health. She has previously written for Stylist, Reader's Digest, the New Statesman Media Group, and more.
Starting the surrogacy journey