If you’re in a same-sex couple and want to become a parent, there’s options. One potential route is reciprocal IVF. It’s a possibility if both you and your partner were assigned female at birth (AFAB).
Sometimes, it’s called shared motherhood, because both partners are physically involved. One partner goes through stimulation and provides the egg, while the other carries the pregnancy.
So, if reciprocal IVF is something you might consider, here’s what you should know.
Yes, you can. But the specific treatment you have depends on the gender you and your partner were assigned at birth.
If at least one partner can carry the pregnancy, then they can do IVF with either their own or donor eggs. The eggs are fertilised using donor sperm. Here, “donor” includes egg or sperm received from their partner.
What if neither of you can carry the pregnancy? In this case, IVF would only be possible if you chose to use a surrogate. They would be the ones to go through the process.
Good to know: IVF isn’t the only option for same-sex couples. Ask your clinician for advice on what’s best for you personally.
As a refresher: in reciprocal IVF, one partner provides the egg and the other carries the pregnancy. Donor sperm is used. Here’s what the process looks like, step by step.
There’s rules and requirements that have to be followed when using donated sperm or eggs—even if they’re from your partner.
One of these is that you receive counselling to make sure you and your partner understand the legal and ethical implications of using donor eggs and/or sperm. It’s an important step because it ensures that you both understand exactly what you’re committing to, and are getting the emotional support that you need.
You’ll also have to fill out some legal documents. We’ll get into this in more detail below.
Everyone doing fertility treatment at ARGC has to go through medical screening. This is a strict requirement set by the UK regulator (HFEA).
Both partners will be tested for HIV, hepatitis B, and hepatitis C. At ARGC, we only accept results from UK labs.
And if you’re using a known sperm donor, they will also have to go through a set of tests.
Donors from a licensed UK sperm bank will have gone through this screening already—they have to do it in order to give the donation.
Good to know: If it’s the first time you’re using donor eggs or sperm, your test results will be valid for three months (this is a rule from the UK regulator). If the egg collection doesn’t happen within that time, you’ll have to be tested again.
For any treatments you have at ARGC after that, we will accept your test results for up to a year.
You’ll need to use donor sperm when doing reciprocal IVF. And there’s specific rules around this in the UK.
Clinics like us don’t have their own private sperm banks, so you will have to source samples either through a UK-based or international sperm bank (provided it meets UK regulatory requirements). You can also use a known donor of your choosing.
While you’re allowed to reimburse a sperm donor for "reasonable expenses” (such as their travel to a doctor’s appointment), it’s illegal to pay them for the sample.
At ARGC, our lab team will support you through the process: from finding a donor to finalising the arrangement.
The samples will need to be safely transported to our lab before your IVF cycle starts.
Good to know: the donor will not be named on the child’s birth certificate. They have no legal rights or responsibilities towards the child.
This step isn’t always standard in IVF treatment. Yet it’s a key part of our process at ARGC.
We will monitor both partners’ natural body rhythms and patterns across a complete menstrual cycle, without you taking any medication. We’ll do a pelvic ultrasound (around the middle of your cycle) and measure your hormone levels throughout.
With these insights, we will create a “personal fertility map” for each of you. For the partner providing the eggs, this allows us to make sure their medication protocol during stimulation is perfectly tailored to their body’s unique hormone patterns. And for the partner receiving the embryo, it gives us important information about when to do the transfer.
Now it’s time for the IVF treatment cycle to begin. The partner providing the eggs will take medication to stimulate their ovaries.
At ARGC, we will monitor them daily throughout this phase to see how they are responding to the medicine. This allows us to keep a close eye on follicle development and catch any potential issues quickly. We can then make real-time adjustments to their plan, as needed.
Again, this isn’t a standard part of IVF treatment—but for us, it’s absolutely essential. It allows us to optimise every aspect of treatment that we can control, to give you the very best chance of success.
Once the eggs are mature enough, they will be collected. The collection process is straightforward: most people go home on the same day. You’ll be sedated throughout and won’t feel any pain.
The eggs are then fertilised in the lab. When it’s time, the embryo(s) will be transferred into the birthing partner’s womb.
Transfers are done either 2-3 or 5-6 days after fertilisation, depending on how the embryos develop. Your clinic will tell you which is best for you.
As with any type of fertility treatment: it depends. Age, medical history, and lifestyle can all influence your chance of success.
But research suggests that success rates from reciprocal (using a partner’s egg) and standard IVF (using your own egg) are comparable.
And, per data from the HFEA, IVF success rates are slightly higher among same-sex AFAB couples than in opposite-sex pairs. From 2012-2022, the birth rate per embryo transfer was 40% or more for AFAB couples. That number was 35% for opposite-sex couples aged 18-35 in 2022.
However, these figures don’t specifically say whether the same-sex couples did reciprocal IVF. Yet a possible explanation for the difference could be that more opposite-sex couples turn to IVF because of fertility issues.
Success rates can vary between clinics, too. Explore ARGC’s success rates, which are broken down by age.
There’s specific laws around this in the UK.
When a child is born, the person who gave birth to them is legally recognised as their mother. This is the case even if the birthing partner is non-binary or a trans man.
And if the person who gave birth is married or in a civil partnership (before starting fertility treatment), their partner is automatically considered the other legal parent.
But what if you aren’t married or in a civil partnership? In this case, both of you need to fill out legal documents that consent to the non-birthing partner being recognised as a parent. You have to do this before treatment starts.
If you don’t fill out those forms in time (or if there are errors that prevent them from being accepted), the non-birthing partner will not automatically become a legal parent. You may need to go to court to get a declaration of legal parentage to have them recognised.
Good to know: There’s separate rules for surrogacy. Ask your clinic for guidance if this is a route you’re exploring.
We’ve been helping same-sex couples become parents for over three decades. Whether you’re interested in reciprocal IVF or another route—our world-leading experts are here to help.
Wondering whether ARGC is right for you? Our advisory calls are free, no-obligation, and led by someone who can answer your specific questions about treatment, costs, and what to expect. Book a call to get started.
Monica Karpinski is a health and science writer specialising in women's health. She has previously written for Stylist, Reader's Digest, the New Statesman Media Group, and more.
Can same-sex couples do IVF?